There’s a constant tension in my life right now.
Yes, in my neck, because apparently, I don’t know what good posture means or is or looks like.
Yes, in my mind, because I want to feel well from the inside out, but also want to fall in to an actual well, made of real-life doughnuts and eat my way free from the inside out.
Yes, in my parenting, because I have the honour of raising a threenager whose go-to response when being told to do (anything) is: “you’re not my best friend anymore.”
But more pressingly, the tension between what I want to do and what I can do.
Because in this season of my life, they are very, very different.
As I write this, I’m sitting in gym gear with a dressing gown over the top. I almost want to snort (unfortunate habit) at the irony and the fact that this little situ is the perfect visual representation for this season.
I’m not talking about the tension between wanting to work out and wanting to sleep for a thousand years, wanting to go out and see my people but wanting to go to bed at 8pm and read and drift off in to oblivion – cause these things are down to choice. Although the struggle is real.
I’m talking about the other things, the issue of timing and seasons and capacity things, that aren’t as clear cut as drinking gin or drinking water.
Like most people, there are things in my life that I feel deeply passionate about (Standout Girl and MOM to name a couple). And as a result, I have a gazillion ideas and plans and goals and strategies. Pages and pages of prayed-over, thought-through, dreamt-about, worked-out, steps to fulfil what God has whispered into my heart.
Which is great. Glory. Exciting times. Until I look at the actual time, resource and support I need to pull any of it off. Then it feels frustrating, disheartening, way off. A glorious tension between what is in my heart and what’s in my hand.
Can you relate?
Do you ever notice the gap between what you feel called to do and your present reality?
Do you ever feel frustrated because what you want to do is different to what you must do?
Do you have to navigate that feeling of making tiny, itty-bitty, baby steps when all you want to do is take one giant leap for mankind? 😉
I must admit, I hit a wall recently. A moment of thinking that I’m never going to get anywhere. That where I’m at – surrounded by tiny people who need me most of the time – is not conducive to the plans. That an hour (if things go well) in the day is never going to make the kind of progress I need.
It’s all about seasons.
I think it’s fair to say that there are seasons in life where we need to pray for breakthrough. Prayers for support and resource and change and increase. But there are also seasons where we need to pray for grace and revelation to help us stay the path, dig deep and navigate the journey gracefully and purposely.
And after praying for the latter, here’s what I felt God say:
Search for the significance
- For most people, there’s a whole load of distance between where we are and where we’re heading. It’s the nature of life and the nature of seasons – the God-breathed grace zones, grow zones, sow zones. Hidden shadow places to thrash it out, reveal our character, refine our thinking.
The seasons of in-between are our greatest teachers. They’re sacred, secret spaces where heaven is often our only audience. Where foundations to sustain the future are being formed, and a collection of a thousand moments that turn into movements are being stored and sculptured if we simply recognise the significance and steward faithfully, the season we are in.
Dig for the discipline
- Discipline isn’t easy. If it were, everybody would be #winning. It’s even harder when we struggle to see the benefit or don’t reap the reward instantly.
But if we want to keep stepping in to our destinies, it’s our responsibility to embrace the tiny steps, even if they feel insignificant. It’s up to us to steward our gifts, to practice and hone our craft, to nourish our body, soul and spirit, to cultivate creativity so we don’t lose the fire and passion and energy and desire.
It’s on us to read and learn and listen to things. To get ingenious about taking the strain and the drain out of the repetitive and routine. It’s up to us to mix it up and go again and try it differently and celebrate the steps in the right direction. It’s up to us to show up, show up, show up, show up…
Because, breakthrough moments are a natural progression of faithful ones.
Treasure the time
- It may be a waiting time, and a some-what frustrating time, but it is still our time. Our life. Our collection of moments and memories that make life worth living. So however long the gap between now and then, we owe it to life, to God our Creator, to treasure the time and see time as our treasure.
Celebrate the good things, the lovely things, the sweet things. Thank God for the lives all the laundry piles represent, for the world-changers all the sleepless nights represent, for the faithfulness and foundations all the repetitive routines represent.
Treasure this time – it’s the making of you. The hidden, formative time that can protect against the breaking of you.
Recognise the responsibilities
- Whatever season we’re in – we have a responsibility. A duty to practice and sow and invest and cultivate. We have a responsibility to be on point now, so we are on point later.
Whatever is in our hand – housework, 9-5 jobs that don’t fire us up, children, volunteer teams – it’s our responsibility to do them the best we can. To practice a life of faithfulness, consistency, excellence and creativity.
If you can change it for the better – do it. If you can’t, practice gratitude. Think of all the benefits to what you’re having to do and how they will help you when you get to what you want to do. What is it teaching you? What skills is it adding? What have you realised or learnt or discovered?
Be on point even if it feels pointless, because there is always a point to the posts that lead to your purpose.
So yeah. I guess this is to every woman on a journey. Every girl having a go, showing up whilst secretly dreaming.
To those who feel like they’re sitting in gym gear with a dressing gown on top. I hear ya. But God sees ya.
P.s. Are you in a secret season? A hidden, formative, timely season? How do you navigate it well? Would love to hear from you. MWAH…